This week has been really crazy, it started on Monday morning, I went to help a friend put together the school store at her son's school, and after working there for 3 hours we were able to leave and go have something to eat, we decided that Ihop was the place to go. After lunch we went to her house and I got to meet a wonderful lady, most of the day was gone and by the time I came home it was almost 5 pm, I had only time to fix dinner and do a little cleaning here and there.
Tuesday was also really busy, I had to take my daughter Ashley to one of her therapies, our schedule changed for this week so I had to take her on Tuesday morning, after therapy I went to the pediatrician to turn some papers in and then to the gas station, on our way home we stopped at MacDonald s for some food, then to the store we went, we found some really nice things there and by the time we came home it was past 3 pm, so again I just had time to fix dinner and clean a bit here and there...
Wednesday came, and I had to rush myself to my friends house as soon as the school bus left, She asked me to give her a ride, after the appointment we went to have some lunch, and again I had to eat out. We wanted to go see an old friend but when I was going to her house and after getting lost I got a reminder on my phone, it was about my daughters early out schedule for the day, I was more than 30 minutes without traffic away, and by that time the traffic was packing up, I had to rush home to get her, I had to go on back roads, I was calling friends on my way back to ask the to please get her just in case I was late, but nobody was able to, some were not home and other never answer the phone. Luckily I was able to get home on time for the bus, with my friend her daughter and mine I decided to go get my son, so we went to his school.
He had an appointment s well as my friends daughter, so we went to my friends house for about an hour before we could go to the appointment then after we had to stop at Walmart and then another store, by the time we went back to her house it was already 7 pm, she served us dinner and I came back home at almost 8:30 pm, this time I was not able to clean or fix any food.
Thursday came and again I had to go to my friends house because her other daughter had an appointment she is getting braces. And after that appointment we had to stop by their dentist to have an extraction done, fun stuff. Then it was my friends Dr appointment .. At around 1 pm I was on my way to my daughters school, I needed to pick her up and take her to the other therapy, we barely made it on time due to traffic, her therapist gave me horrible news, she got another job and will soon leave the therapy center. I started crying since she has helped my Ashley so much, she has done more than what a therapies has ever done, always goes way beyond expectation, its going to be really hard for Ashley, she loves her therapist. After therapy we came home stayed here for a bit and then went to Walmart to pick up some medicine and some cleaners I needed but again my day was gone and I did so little here at home, some cleaning here and there again.
I cant continue with this way of life, I barely have time to do my own things to be on top of someone else's appointments and kids... I need a brake...
Friday, October 4, 2013
Tuesday, October 1, 2013
Fears of a special needs parent.
When you have a child you have so many hopes for that kid, you want your son or daughter to be able to crawl, walk, talk, grow up and be able to go to school, go to the university and get married, and why not? give you grand kids. But when you are faced with the challenges of raising a special needs child, regardless of the disability the world around you changes completely.
All the dreams that you had must disappear, you are faced with situations out of your control, health issues, learning disabilities and people that will never understand your kid, people that will not only say ignorant comments but also make fun or bully your child, they not only come in the shape of a child, but many times are adults the ones with the most hurtful and hateful comments.
The annoying way some people will look at your child, as if they have seen the most horrendous thing in life and it makes me sick.
This world is full of ignorant people, those that think that having a child with special needs its a curse from God, the ones that think that its contagious and don't want to get close to your kid and those that will use the "R" word with friends because its cool and they don't feel like its offensive because they are too busy been stupid to get a dictionary and actually read the definition. Oh, but please don't grab the urban dictionary, because that doesn't count as dictionary to me.
So the point is clear, we as parents of a special needs kids have lots of fears. We all agree on at least one, we don't know what the future might bring for our kids long or short term... And you might say, well, all parents worry about that. Yes and no!!! Let me tell you why.
I love my kids and I expect different things from my typical child and from my special needs one, my son has way more chances than my daughter, he has things the easy way. For him its not hard to do everyday things and tasks, and he can be pushed harder so he can succeed at school and in life. With my daughter is way different, she needs more time processing school work, she has a slight chance of not graduating high school, she will have a harder time learning everyday chores and tasks. I'm about 80% sure that my son will give me grand kids, but I'm and 80% sure as well that my daughter wont.
Its not because she is not capable of been a mother, but because there is a 50% chance that her kids will be born with the same disability, if the father has no disabilities, but if he does then the chance goes way up. So the question comes to my head, if she does have a child, typical or special. Who will take care of that baby? if my daughter will barely be able to take care of her own needs... She might even need help herself.
I wont be here forever, so what is my child going to do once I'm gone? who will take care of her? is she going to be ok? will she be protected? who will be there on her hard moments? who will put up with her bad choices? will she find love? or will she be lonely? those are the real fears of a special needs parent, because our normal daily life its really busy, we know more doctors than a regular parent will in their life time, we are ready to fight for that kid needs at school or at the doctors office, we will find our way around a no, we are most of the time exhausted beyond believe, but even that way we find energy to continue day or night, its easier for us to clean human fluids as long as its the fluids or our kids.
We multitask, I can at least cook a meal, clean or do the dishes and schedule doctor app's at the same time, we can lift the weight of our kid without complaining, and it doesn't matter if its a one year old or a 17 year old, if it must be done we will do it.
Some moms and dads require a little more time to adjust to all the new changes of a diagnosed child, some will take months to be able to accept, others will be on denial for longer time, whatever your case, just make sure to tell that child that you love them and that you will always do, it doesn't matter if its a newborn or a 10 year old, just tell that child how much you love him or her.
And please don't use the "R" word, life can teach you real lessons and you never know if your own child will be diagnosed with a learning disability or even your grand kid.
All the dreams that you had must disappear, you are faced with situations out of your control, health issues, learning disabilities and people that will never understand your kid, people that will not only say ignorant comments but also make fun or bully your child, they not only come in the shape of a child, but many times are adults the ones with the most hurtful and hateful comments.
The annoying way some people will look at your child, as if they have seen the most horrendous thing in life and it makes me sick.
This world is full of ignorant people, those that think that having a child with special needs its a curse from God, the ones that think that its contagious and don't want to get close to your kid and those that will use the "R" word with friends because its cool and they don't feel like its offensive because they are too busy been stupid to get a dictionary and actually read the definition. Oh, but please don't grab the urban dictionary, because that doesn't count as dictionary to me.
So the point is clear, we as parents of a special needs kids have lots of fears. We all agree on at least one, we don't know what the future might bring for our kids long or short term... And you might say, well, all parents worry about that. Yes and no!!! Let me tell you why.
I love my kids and I expect different things from my typical child and from my special needs one, my son has way more chances than my daughter, he has things the easy way. For him its not hard to do everyday things and tasks, and he can be pushed harder so he can succeed at school and in life. With my daughter is way different, she needs more time processing school work, she has a slight chance of not graduating high school, she will have a harder time learning everyday chores and tasks. I'm about 80% sure that my son will give me grand kids, but I'm and 80% sure as well that my daughter wont.
Its not because she is not capable of been a mother, but because there is a 50% chance that her kids will be born with the same disability, if the father has no disabilities, but if he does then the chance goes way up. So the question comes to my head, if she does have a child, typical or special. Who will take care of that baby? if my daughter will barely be able to take care of her own needs... She might even need help herself.
I wont be here forever, so what is my child going to do once I'm gone? who will take care of her? is she going to be ok? will she be protected? who will be there on her hard moments? who will put up with her bad choices? will she find love? or will she be lonely? those are the real fears of a special needs parent, because our normal daily life its really busy, we know more doctors than a regular parent will in their life time, we are ready to fight for that kid needs at school or at the doctors office, we will find our way around a no, we are most of the time exhausted beyond believe, but even that way we find energy to continue day or night, its easier for us to clean human fluids as long as its the fluids or our kids.
We multitask, I can at least cook a meal, clean or do the dishes and schedule doctor app's at the same time, we can lift the weight of our kid without complaining, and it doesn't matter if its a one year old or a 17 year old, if it must be done we will do it.
Some moms and dads require a little more time to adjust to all the new changes of a diagnosed child, some will take months to be able to accept, others will be on denial for longer time, whatever your case, just make sure to tell that child that you love them and that you will always do, it doesn't matter if its a newborn or a 10 year old, just tell that child how much you love him or her.
And please don't use the "R" word, life can teach you real lessons and you never know if your own child will be diagnosed with a learning disability or even your grand kid.
Monday, September 30, 2013
Out of frustration...
Have you ever had that moment when everything its just frustrating you?
I have. Actually I get those moments really often, many factors will make me feel that way, the economical issues in the house, the way some people just are, or even how the dog is not listening to what I say.
Yes, its totally normal, But that gives no authorization for me to react in a bad way to my frustrations. Breath, I keep repeating to myself, just breath and let it go.
I get that really often, when I am looking at my friends posts on FB, I see a comment or picture of something that I don't agree with, I feel the need to comment BUT then I stop, breath and think... is it necessary? do I want to start a fight over something really stupid? they had all the right to post whatever they want... its their page after all. So I just let it go.
Frustration can be really bad at times, when the kids are misbehaving and you feel like you want to scream at them, or when you are doing something important and then you have to stop to fulfill the needs of someone else. I know you understand me, I know that I'm not alone in this one.
But the one frustration that really get me to the next level, its when I ask for help, and I get nothing, and by ask for help I mean ask a family member to so something or to stop doing something.
I had to deal with that today, and I had no luck.
I have lots of patience and I think that's the reason why people most of the time will abuse. That's the way I am, I was raised that way and I cant change my ways.
So again, frustration comes in many ways, in may shapes, but its ultimately up to us to decide if we put up a fight or we let it go. If its something small, just let it go, if its something big work it out, but definitely don't fight out of frustration.
I have. Actually I get those moments really often, many factors will make me feel that way, the economical issues in the house, the way some people just are, or even how the dog is not listening to what I say.
Yes, its totally normal, But that gives no authorization for me to react in a bad way to my frustrations. Breath, I keep repeating to myself, just breath and let it go.
I get that really often, when I am looking at my friends posts on FB, I see a comment or picture of something that I don't agree with, I feel the need to comment BUT then I stop, breath and think... is it necessary? do I want to start a fight over something really stupid? they had all the right to post whatever they want... its their page after all. So I just let it go.
Frustration can be really bad at times, when the kids are misbehaving and you feel like you want to scream at them, or when you are doing something important and then you have to stop to fulfill the needs of someone else. I know you understand me, I know that I'm not alone in this one.
But the one frustration that really get me to the next level, its when I ask for help, and I get nothing, and by ask for help I mean ask a family member to so something or to stop doing something.
I had to deal with that today, and I had no luck.
I have lots of patience and I think that's the reason why people most of the time will abuse. That's the way I am, I was raised that way and I cant change my ways.
So again, frustration comes in many ways, in may shapes, but its ultimately up to us to decide if we put up a fight or we let it go. If its something small, just let it go, if its something big work it out, but definitely don't fight out of frustration.
Thursday, September 26, 2013
four words one text.
I have been thinking and thinking, in the last few months life has been really hard, I had my life changed and twisted in so many ways.
I learned a lot, I can tell you that I'm a better person, my heart has no hate, even when everything around me hurts me, I have no hate.
Yesterday I opened my eyes to something that maybe a few months ago I couldn't see. I got a text, only four words, "that girl is crazy" I felt a pain in my chest when I saw this text, it was not about a woman, it was about a girl, an eleven year old girl.
Why was I getting this? it reminded me when my daughter was called crazy, and I had to answer back, I didn't do it in a text but in person. Just as I got out of my car the person that wrote it came to my driveway and started talking about this fight that she has with a special needs 11 year old girl...
I listened to all the story and then I gave a piece of my mind, I was not mad, I was hurt. Not because it meant something to me but because the question kept bugging me... how can a woman feel the need of fight with an eleven year old girl?
This issue opened my eyes, we as adults feel that we are in control, we feel the need of getting people to respect us, but how are we respecting others? I'm sure that I made that same mistake before, nobody is perfect, but now I ask myself.... Is it necessary ? is it that important? is it worth the time and the energy? a fight, we fight for everything, and nothing at the same time.
I wont judge somebody based on the experiences of others, if that person is nice to me I will be nice, if that person is not nice, I will walk away from their life.
I don't know if it was the right thing to say but I asked to please not to share those issues with me. But those 4 words shook my heart, my daughter was called crazy before and I wanted to slap the one that said that, people can be so cruel with their comments, but we always have the chance to forget and forgive.
I learned a lot, I can tell you that I'm a better person, my heart has no hate, even when everything around me hurts me, I have no hate.
Yesterday I opened my eyes to something that maybe a few months ago I couldn't see. I got a text, only four words, "that girl is crazy" I felt a pain in my chest when I saw this text, it was not about a woman, it was about a girl, an eleven year old girl.
Why was I getting this? it reminded me when my daughter was called crazy, and I had to answer back, I didn't do it in a text but in person. Just as I got out of my car the person that wrote it came to my driveway and started talking about this fight that she has with a special needs 11 year old girl...
I listened to all the story and then I gave a piece of my mind, I was not mad, I was hurt. Not because it meant something to me but because the question kept bugging me... how can a woman feel the need of fight with an eleven year old girl?
This issue opened my eyes, we as adults feel that we are in control, we feel the need of getting people to respect us, but how are we respecting others? I'm sure that I made that same mistake before, nobody is perfect, but now I ask myself.... Is it necessary ? is it that important? is it worth the time and the energy? a fight, we fight for everything, and nothing at the same time.
I wont judge somebody based on the experiences of others, if that person is nice to me I will be nice, if that person is not nice, I will walk away from their life.
I don't know if it was the right thing to say but I asked to please not to share those issues with me. But those 4 words shook my heart, my daughter was called crazy before and I wanted to slap the one that said that, people can be so cruel with their comments, but we always have the chance to forget and forgive.
Saturday, September 14, 2013
Insomnia
I cant sleep and its just too hard to concentrate in the morning, and so hard to get up early... So far I've been doing it, but I don't know how much longer I can stay like this.
I've been really busy all week, I had to take Ashley to her therapy and did some things to collect money for the polar plunge, so far I have collected $65 with the help of my friend and her daughters.
We also had to go get my sons allergy shoot this week, and I saw someone there, the sister of the person that wanted to hurt my kids, so I had to talk to the doctor and tell him the story of my life, he assured me that I was not going to see that person next week when I have to go again.
I'm not a bad person, I don't go finding trouble, but if someone is looking for it I wont let them step on me and I wont let them get close to my kids, now changing to a more relaxed note...
I have been really happy during the last few days, my relationship its going great, I am waiting on a new curling iron that its on the mail on its way here, I cant wait to try it. I heard so many great things about it.
Tomorrow I will wax my face since its been a long time since I did it, it will hurt like a mofo but beauty hurts right? and I will look beautiful to my man, he brought me roses yesterday, he is so sweet...
I don't see him too often because he is been working a lot lately, but on the day that I get to see him and be with him I will cuddle on his chest and just close my eyes, sometimes I feel like I want to stay there all day long.
I will go to bed now, I have to take Ashley to practice tomorrow and its really late... have a great night !!!
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
Chocolate sale!!!
Last year I had a real hard time getting donations for the polar plunge, I was really sad and depressed at the hotel a day before the plunge, finally an hour before I registered for the event the last few donations came with a whopping amount of money and I was able to reach the goal.
If you don't know what the polar plunge is, let me tell you what it is... every year I will go to the beach in February (the coldest month of the year) and I will jump to the ocean with 3000 more crazy people to support the special Olympics, its super cold and super fun at the same time.
Well this year I had to do something to get the money, I can't really just sit around and ask people to donate, I had to really do something to get that money, so I started to buy some basic things, like kitchen stuff and jewelry, and finally I got a box of chocolates. I have a friend that will help me all the time, she is really sweet, and I gave the box of chocolate to her, her daughters told their friends about the chocolates and they sold all the chocolates, all that money will go to the polar plunge, so far the idea is going well since they are asking for a donation and not an actual price.
I love them to pieces, and now I need to get more chocolate. Oh and the kitchen stuff will also be given with donations, I'm really confident that I will reach that goal and it won't be as stressing as it was last year, I will just have to worry about the expenses of the trip and the hotel and not the goal, we pay for our expenses, I don't use the donated money for any of the expenses all the donated money goes to the special Olympics.
I'm also super exited about this years Halloween, because we have season passes for a themed park and we will be going there as soon as they open the new Halloween attractions I also told you all about the new adventure.
I am making YouTube videos again and I will keep on making them, in English and Spanish, I have a few reviews now, you can check them out if you like... Let me know what you think.
http://www.youtube.com/user/cynthiag0522
http://www.youtube.com/user/hammy0522
if you want to donate you can do it here: http://www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/cynthia-godinez/2014polarplungeVA
If you don't know what the polar plunge is, let me tell you what it is... every year I will go to the beach in February (the coldest month of the year) and I will jump to the ocean with 3000 more crazy people to support the special Olympics, its super cold and super fun at the same time.
Well this year I had to do something to get the money, I can't really just sit around and ask people to donate, I had to really do something to get that money, so I started to buy some basic things, like kitchen stuff and jewelry, and finally I got a box of chocolates. I have a friend that will help me all the time, she is really sweet, and I gave the box of chocolate to her, her daughters told their friends about the chocolates and they sold all the chocolates, all that money will go to the polar plunge, so far the idea is going well since they are asking for a donation and not an actual price.
I love them to pieces, and now I need to get more chocolate. Oh and the kitchen stuff will also be given with donations, I'm really confident that I will reach that goal and it won't be as stressing as it was last year, I will just have to worry about the expenses of the trip and the hotel and not the goal, we pay for our expenses, I don't use the donated money for any of the expenses all the donated money goes to the special Olympics.
I'm also super exited about this years Halloween, because we have season passes for a themed park and we will be going there as soon as they open the new Halloween attractions I also told you all about the new adventure.
I am making YouTube videos again and I will keep on making them, in English and Spanish, I have a few reviews now, you can check them out if you like... Let me know what you think.
http://www.youtube.com/user/cynthiag0522
http://www.youtube.com/user/hammy0522
if you want to donate you can do it here: http://www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/cynthia-godinez/2014polarplungeVA
Saturday, September 7, 2013
Fake people !!!
wow, its been such a long time since I posted something, I have been really trying to figure life out, a lot of things happen during this few months, I found out who my real friends are and who the fake ones are... Its really sad that sometimes the person that you believe its the most trusting friend ends up been a fake one ready to hurt you and your family and blame insanity.
People might think that I'm a bad person, and as far as I'm concerned I don't really care, I know that I have done nothing wrong and that I own no explanation to anyone, I respect myself and would never go into a relationship with anyone that is not free, I am worth way too much to get the leftovers.
Just because I'm friendly and I do favors to people when they ask me to, doesn't mean that I will sleep with them, I am an educated person and I love myself way too much to be that kind of women.
The funny part is that the person that told about me doing things is the same person that wants something with the husband of this person, but guess what? I won't tell her that, because I want to see how karma gets them, she thinks she was so smart at blaming me for something I didn't do, when she was the one that was actually doing it... some day she will be faced with the true and she wont have a place to hide or a person to blame. as far as I am concerned, I'm at peace!!!
But now I know that I can't trust anyone, because you never know who wants to hurt you and your family for imaginary things, I'm glad that I can be the hardest person when it comes to protect my babies, and that all that made F think about everything and he wanted to fix our situation.
He knows me so well, not for nothing he is been with me for the last 15 years, he knows what I can be capable of doing and what I will absolutely not do ever, after all he knows me better than anyone else.
I'm working on a new adventure and I'm sure that I will succeed, I am learning little by little and its hard because its really a time consuming activity that I have to do, but its fun and I enjoy it!!! ready??? I'm back !!! I started again with my videos on Youtube and this time I will do everything I can to continue and not stop doing them.
People might think that I'm a bad person, and as far as I'm concerned I don't really care, I know that I have done nothing wrong and that I own no explanation to anyone, I respect myself and would never go into a relationship with anyone that is not free, I am worth way too much to get the leftovers.
Just because I'm friendly and I do favors to people when they ask me to, doesn't mean that I will sleep with them, I am an educated person and I love myself way too much to be that kind of women.
The funny part is that the person that told about me doing things is the same person that wants something with the husband of this person, but guess what? I won't tell her that, because I want to see how karma gets them, she thinks she was so smart at blaming me for something I didn't do, when she was the one that was actually doing it... some day she will be faced with the true and she wont have a place to hide or a person to blame. as far as I am concerned, I'm at peace!!!
But now I know that I can't trust anyone, because you never know who wants to hurt you and your family for imaginary things, I'm glad that I can be the hardest person when it comes to protect my babies, and that all that made F think about everything and he wanted to fix our situation.
He knows me so well, not for nothing he is been with me for the last 15 years, he knows what I can be capable of doing and what I will absolutely not do ever, after all he knows me better than anyone else.
I'm working on a new adventure and I'm sure that I will succeed, I am learning little by little and its hard because its really a time consuming activity that I have to do, but its fun and I enjoy it!!! ready??? I'm back !!! I started again with my videos on Youtube and this time I will do everything I can to continue and not stop doing them.
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