When we are kids, we want to be old enough to be able to do things, we rush through everything... Kids playing to be adults, but when we are adults... well, that is just another rush, getting to know people, trying to get along with family, etc... normal stuff right??
Well... not for me!!
I rushed to get a family, I was a mom at 18... it was cake really, I had a very easy going life, I had to take care of my son and be a home maker, then I was pregnant again, I had my daughter at 21, my pregnancy was hard, I felt alone since the beginning, my husband was not happy about me been pregnant again, but she was there, alive, I was never going to do anything to harm her, so time when by with lots of scary things like, low placenta, danger of a miscarriage, no weight gain, small child and so on... But I fought for that baby with all my might.
Finally came the day of having her... so I went to the hospital all happy, my labor was induced, so I was as happy as can be... Got the medication, after been forgotten by the hospital personal, I called them to give me something for the pain, but just my luck, I was already 9cm... so it was time to push and have my baby, when she was born I was amazed by how small my beautiful baby was, it was not hard to fall in love with her...
Then came all the sleepless nights, non stop crying at night... and no clue of what was going on... and again life rushed by, I saw that my daughter was different I just couldn't explain how, she was late to sit, walk, smile, etc... Something was wrong!!! but what?? I had no idea, the doctors kept saying that she was small cause I was very petite, and that all the kids develop different...
Finally after looking to many things, last year I had a glimpse of what was really going on... On a routine eye exam the Ophthalmologist told me about Williams Syndrome, I had no idea what that was, I had never heard of it before, so when I got home I looked for it online, and oh boy!!! I saw a picture of a little girl, she was just like my daughter, and I couldn't hold my tears, I had to know if it was WS what she had, I calmed myself down and called the pediatrician, I asked them for a genetic test...
I was send then to Children's National Hospital, and that was the only time that i couldn't feel the rush, everything was so slow... the Appt was such a hard one, I was told the words that I didn't wanted to hear, my daughter looked like she had Williams Syndrome, but we had to do the fish test to be sure... so we had to wait for the results, it was the longest month of my life...
Finally, the day came, I was so scared to go by myself, not only cause of what the doctor was going to tell me, but because I don't drive to DC ever, I asked my best friend to go with me, and she said yes, she also got her husband to go with us... That morning I woke up sick, I was trowing up and I was dizzy, on our way to the hospital I kept on telling myself to be strong, I was shaking when we got to the hospital, in the room the doctor gave me the worst case of WS, the fear that I had came truth my daughter had WS, I wanted to cry, scream, and slap the doctor that keep saying all this things like, she will never be able to deal with money, she will never be able to live a normal life, I was devastated, at the end, my friend hugged me, I had to stay strong and not cry to not upset my daughter, it was so hard, everything felt unreal, in the car I was crying without making any sound, my tears kept coming unstoppable...
When I got home I put on a DVD for her to watch, and I went to my bedroom to cry, my heart was in so much pain, but it was not physical, I never felt that before, I kept asking God, why her?? I didn't ask why me? but why her?, why?... and again I felt so alone... telling my family the news was so hard, telling my mom was easy, she didn't make a fuss about it, but telling my brother, well that was hard, he loves my kids so much that it hit him like a ton of bricks ...
after all this... life before my daughter was cake... and life keeps rushing its way, and tomorrow ? Well, lets just say that we don't ask about tomorrow, we live the today!!!
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