One christmas to NOT remember.

         Things are not going very well for us right now, every single year we go through something like this but never this bad...

          Since F work depends on weather and other people, well let's just say that this season its been really bad, we are barely making our payments on the basic things but we defenetly have no budget for the Christmas things, if you know what I mean.... I can care less about things for me or for the house, I don't really care about that, what I really care is for the kids to have a normal Christmas filled with joy, love, family, food and of course their gifts.

       Well not this year, we are so thight that I could only afford a few things for them, and that makes me really mad, it also mades me so mad that I can't spend the hollidays with my family because of some stupid issues between my mom and my brother, I'm so sick of that bs.

          I was going to just drive there and have a few days with them and forget about the bad things happening at home, but its not going to happen.

          My relationship with F its totally broken and the kids can feel and see it whenever we are together, that's just sad to see... They do preffer to be with me than with their dad. I can just say that I had nothing to do with that, they can be with whoever they want, I don't say bad things about him to them.

          I guess its true what I have heard, if you don't show love people won't give you love... I really don't know, that's their relationship not mine... I just have no control over that.

          Everything its really stressful right now, I need to do so many things in the next few months. I just hope that I will have the open doors and the strong mind that I need to do it all. Soon I will start beauty school, and who knows, maybe I will have a bussiness in the future.

               I really don't want Christmas to come, I'm not looking forward see my kids cry their eyes out because Santa only got them sucky cheapy stuff... And I know, I know... They need to be grateful with the things they have... But try to explain that to them?

          

December already

It's hard to believe that December is here, I just can't believe that the year its almost gone. Ashleys new school its ok, I can't tell its awesome or that its helping her so much, I see no advance, only in speech...

          The kids started church school a few months ago, they are doing preparation for their first communion, that its really making me nervious, my mom and brother have issues between them, I want no part of it, but they seriously behave like kids fighting over a toy. 

         This Christmas doesn't look good, not only because we won't go to NJ but because it seems very unlikely that Santa will stop by this year, and that makes me sad. I need to find a way to make things work out the way I want them to.

          Monday already, another week more problems to solve. By the way, I'm doing the polar plunge again Feb second, if you can, please go check my page out and donate, its for a good cause... As always we will post a video on YouTube about it, meanwhile you can go see last year's plunge, my YouTube name is hammy0522. Thank you !