Hard to understand.

Life can be really difficult sometimes, I never thought that I was going to be raising my kids alone, but here I am... Doing just that the way my mom did, still dealing with doctor appts and therapies but doing it.

Life really will turn in a second, I was just fine with the life I had, been a stay at home mom, taking care or the kids and all. Now I have to do that plus provide to them what their dad did.

So far he is still helping me out with them on the days that I go hunting for a job, hard as I don't know what...

I'm still waiting for my ged certificate to get here... It's been more than a month since I did and past the test, so far no certificate, and I really need it.

Polar Plunge 2013

This weekend was one of the most important weekends every year... We just did the Polar plunge, and it was awesome... 

It was very cold, the wind on Friday was unbelievable, whenever the direction of the wind was right in front, hitting my face, I could feel my eyes water and it looked as if I was crying. My hand would go numb in a few seconds from the extreme coldness.

The resort was really beautiful, my room was absolutely stunning, so big with a view to the beach in the seventh floor. The kids had no problem getting comfortable in that room at all.

We actually went to the pool for about and hour, I was sad due that a day before my nine year old ferret died due to old age, he was my baby and we cried a lot on Thursday. Plus I had a fundraising going on for the polar plunge, and well lets just say that I was not been supported by the people I though had my back... 

I was actually waiting to get registered for the event because my goal was $600 and I only had $395, and then... WOW!!! a whooper donation of $200 came to my rescue... I covered the rest and I was able to register with a smile knowing that I had a lot of awesome friends and that I had reached my goal... 

I had an awesome Friday night making shirts for the plunge.

On Saturday I was able to wake up early, I got ready and got the kids ready, we went to have breakfast, it was so good, but then it was time to get things ready for the plunge... 

We totally missed the first events, well all of them... except the plunge itself, it was so darn cold that I was OK with not been present for the other events.

I was running to the water and I was not expecting it to be as cold as it was, my body got so numb it started to hurt, even with that I kept walking forward, I was able to hi-five 3 of the rescue squad guys, even though I said that I was going to do that only "if" i reached the $800 dollars and I didn't...  I just  had to do something special for the $200 donation... 

When I got out of the water my body was hurting so bad it was insane, it took me more than 25 minutes to get my normal temperature back, and that's when I notice the freeze burns on my legs... 

Battle marks, that's what they are. After all it was a sacrifice for me to get in that cold water.... 

The rest of the day when really good, we ate with everyone in area 11 and had a good time. It was time to go pack and get thing ready for today, we went upstairs did laundry and started to pack.

This morning I had a hard time waking up, I finished packing and got everything in the car, after we went and had breakfast we had to enjoy our last moments in that amazing hotel...

  The way back was really fast and smooth, we got home right before the mini snow storm... lol Next year I will do the plunge again, it will be my third time... and I am so making costumes for us, I have a year to think about what to make and actually make them, I also have a year to think about good ways to raise money...

The end of a story

       It's been a hard few months, now I can really tell you what's going on..

        During the past year things have been not so good with F, what I didn't knew was that he was thinking about the end of our story.

        It hit me like a wall of bricks, and there is no going back. It's a very hard thing not only for me but for the kids as well, I just need to figure out a way to explain this to them.

         I just hope that with time resignation will also come, for now all I can do its look for a job and adjust to our new life, a life I so didn't wanted to have. 

You see, I didn't had the chance to share my life with my dad, he was never in my life. I didn't wanted my kids to experience that dysfunctional life, the same that I had, with my mother working all the time and us as kids that had to be little adults.

          The life of a single parent family its not easy, so much more that the kids are so used to be with me all the time, now I will have to go to work so I can provide them with what they need.

           He made his choice and nothing will make him change his mind,  we will just try to have a normal life as much as we can without him.

One christmas to NOT remember.

         Things are not going very well for us right now, every single year we go through something like this but never this bad...

          Since F work depends on weather and other people, well let's just say that this season its been really bad, we are barely making our payments on the basic things but we defenetly have no budget for the Christmas things, if you know what I mean.... I can care less about things for me or for the house, I don't really care about that, what I really care is for the kids to have a normal Christmas filled with joy, love, family, food and of course their gifts.

       Well not this year, we are so thight that I could only afford a few things for them, and that makes me really mad, it also mades me so mad that I can't spend the hollidays with my family because of some stupid issues between my mom and my brother, I'm so sick of that bs.

          I was going to just drive there and have a few days with them and forget about the bad things happening at home, but its not going to happen.

          My relationship with F its totally broken and the kids can feel and see it whenever we are together, that's just sad to see... They do preffer to be with me than with their dad. I can just say that I had nothing to do with that, they can be with whoever they want, I don't say bad things about him to them.

          I guess its true what I have heard, if you don't show love people won't give you love... I really don't know, that's their relationship not mine... I just have no control over that.

          Everything its really stressful right now, I need to do so many things in the next few months. I just hope that I will have the open doors and the strong mind that I need to do it all. Soon I will start beauty school, and who knows, maybe I will have a bussiness in the future.

               I really don't want Christmas to come, I'm not looking forward see my kids cry their eyes out because Santa only got them sucky cheapy stuff... And I know, I know... They need to be grateful with the things they have... But try to explain that to them?

          

December already

It's hard to believe that December is here, I just can't believe that the year its almost gone. Ashleys new school its ok, I can't tell its awesome or that its helping her so much, I see no advance, only in speech...

          The kids started church school a few months ago, they are doing preparation for their first communion, that its really making me nervious, my mom and brother have issues between them, I want no part of it, but they seriously behave like kids fighting over a toy. 

         This Christmas doesn't look good, not only because we won't go to NJ but because it seems very unlikely that Santa will stop by this year, and that makes me sad. I need to find a way to make things work out the way I want them to.

          Monday already, another week more problems to solve. By the way, I'm doing the polar plunge again Feb second, if you can, please go check my page out and donate, its for a good cause... As always we will post a video on YouTube about it, meanwhile you can go see last year's plunge, my YouTube name is hammy0522. Thank you !

I cant wake up!!!

          Every day I get my alarm and hit the snooze button, and today I did it a little too many times, I woke up like a crazy person at 8:15am, I ran to the kids and woke them up, I don't know how, but we made it to the bus stop at 8:30am.

           From all the days in the week, today was the day the my sons bus broke down, so I was freaking out, it was late and I had to take them to their schools, I was making a map in my head about the fastest route to get to my sons school, and how to get from there to my daughters school as fast as I could. Then like and angel came my friend and told me she was taking her son to school, I send my son with her and drove my daughter to her school.

          She started crying and that just broke my heart, she is having separation anxiety, and I don't really know how to make her feel better, I do tell her that she will see me after school, but its not really working. I will find a way I'm sure, but I will need help with this. 

         Today I found the best make up ever, I herded so many good things about the Kat Van D tattoo foundation that I just had to try it myself, so I went to get it, and  its just amazing, I love it!!!

         what a boring day I had, at school we had a sub, again... She is nice, but wont explain what she is doing, I cant wait for my teacher to be back, the classroom is really cold, I cant even concentrate, so next week I will bring a little blanket, I told everyone. The girls at my table have a blast in class with me, I'm such a clown.  I don't mean to be a clown, I'm just been myself.

         

I'm back....

First of all I want to apologise for been away for so long, life its been hard.
I need to update all of you about what's going on, I started school and its really hard to keep up with everything, all the Dr. Appointments, therapies and house chores are not easy, and if we add all of the extra porblems...
Well its just been overwealming for me.

Medically everything its been the same, we found out gastro issues with my kids, yes... Not only my ws daughter but my typical son as well.

Winter its almost here, and that means Santa will be coming soon, the only problem its that Santa won't bring much this year, he is really struggling right now.

For now we are starting the blog again and soon we will return to our daily YouTube vlog.